Atomic Poops

It is Friday and I tend to write about booze on Fridays, but today I want to share a more personal story than just a drink recipe. As I was preparing to do a Jalapeño & Cherry Bomb drink in my series about Plants vs Zombies, I got to thinking I might share with you an email I sent my little brother while he is on deployment to Afghanistan. (I firmly believe it is my job to make him laugh while he is there.) A story that involves some pepper infused tequila and hard learned lessons.

When your baby brother is in a war zone, it is your job as an older sister to find all sorts of horrible things to do to yourself in order to make him snort coffee out his nose.

——

Dude,

Funny lessons learned last night that I thought I would share with you for your amusement.

It had been a long time since I had really tied one on. As you know, I am not actually that big on drinking. Not for any particular reason other than that I don’t like the days after. That being said, my friend W and I are usually the two responsible ones in our group of friends. We are the ones who warn the other girls when their booze goggles start steering them into scary territory, we are the ones who gently let whatever guy who thinks he has found love on the dance floor that oh no trust us we don’t need a ride home, we hold the hair of whoever decided car bombs after Long Islands was a good idea.

Well, last night  W and I decided screw it we were going to go out and have some drinks. As many as we damned well liked thank you very much. Having heard a bar called Highline on Cap Hill was good and had infused alcohols, we headed that way. Oh did they have infused alcohol. The list was impressive. Strawberry kiwi vodka, strawberry tequila,  Garlic Basil Vodka, atomic fireball whiskey, Habanero tequila and a bunch of others I can’t even remember the name of. The shots and cocktails that were made from these drinks had trendy hipster hi welcome to capitol hill kind of names. Crowbar, Napalm Death, Cavity, Reign of Blood, The Priest, Strawberry Fields, etc.

–Sidebar it was karaoke night, and holy flying hipsters batman…best karaoke night ever. People were daaaaancing, singing the most ridiculous list of random crap from Elton John, to Prince, to Abba, to John Lennon, to Journey, oh and what the hell is that song from BeetleJuice…  “Jump in the Line” Yeah hilarity of music that might have led to further indulgence in drinks.

How does this come to atomic poops? Well let’s say W and I learned a few things last night. First somehow my life in the last 8 years has given me a liver of steel and even for having not drank more than a single drink in a sitting for the last two months, I apparently can handle my alcohol with an almost superhero constitution. Second, that W should not try to keep up as she is tiny. Poor W got pretty sick, and cursed me all the way home in the cab between fits of giggles. Tip your cabbie well folks when your best friend tosses her fried dill pickle chips down the outside of the car door at high speeds!

But this is a story about atomic poops. You remember how we had a talk a while back about the morning after alcohol poops? You know when you get out of bed and your pores are producing their own infused alcohol mix, you walk to the bathroom wondering vaguely how in the world you didn’t hork up your spleen last night with everything you drank…but instead you spend some quality time sitting on the loo reading a book or staring at the wall.

Let me just say that when your drinks the night before were mostly Habanero tequila drinks you cling to the counter next to the toilet wondering if it is possible to launch yourself into space or possibly blow up the bathroom with the fire coming from your butt. You mutter things like “dearsweetflyingbabyjeeeebus” as your O ring sears and you wonder if you are going to be in a diaper for the rest of your life  (in your case chimpboy you would be wondering if your cheeks had any hair left at the end.)

Fuck you Habanero Tequila. Fuck. You.

And as a side bonus with said hangover, my cleaning supplies to clean the counter from my drunken attempt to make eggs last night? Basil scented…when the OTHER drinks I had last night were basil vodka Bloody Marys.  Ohhhh who did I piss off!

Well there you have it dude. I love you lots and am looking forward to you coming home.

your sister

glow pic by MSVG

They say all they drank last night was Habanero tequila…

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